I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
