i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
