the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
