i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
