i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
