Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
