just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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