So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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