4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
