remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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