Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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