So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
