Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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