it's like iHOP with fire
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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