i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
