I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
