Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
