just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she told me i tasted like america
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
