Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
