I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
