i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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