whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
