Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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