I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
a search helicopter?!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
