I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
