I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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