this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
