I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
