I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
