There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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