I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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