Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
