My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
