Someone shit on the floor
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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