i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
