the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
