I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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