I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sext me about skeletons
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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