I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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