Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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