She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
a search helicopter?!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
