Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
