he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
