i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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