I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
