i just google imaged poop.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Are my feet made of real feet?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
