pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
