Can i not drive my cunt home
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
