Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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