He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
