Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
