he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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