Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Come see our sink grown plant.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
